Checking In

I have not posted in more than two weeks and I thought it time to update. Since going off the shakes, I have managed to gain 4 pounds. I cannot seem to lose any weight, regardless of the fact that I am only eating approximately 600 calories per day and working out by running 3 miles at least 5 days a week. It is so frustrating to have come this far to have my body reject my ability to lose any more weight.

I am not giving up. I will continue to do whatever it takes to lose the rest of the weight. I am actually enjoying the running and am running about a 12:30 minute mile. Not bad if I do say so. I always liked running but have been unable to run since my weight gain. Now that I am slightly smaller it does not seem to bother my knees and hips like it used to. I do need to stretch extensively before and after but that may just be me getting old. I have a run coming up in December and I want to run the whole 5K. I think I have this in the bag.

I am eating a vegan diet and do not miss the meat at all. I do miss the cheese and eggs but I am finding other ways to cook to compensate. I enjoy cooking and discovering new recipes from pintrest. I cannot believe all of the people out there who are vegan. I find it most difficult when eating out. There are very few restaurants that cater to vegan eaters so I usually just ask them to hold this, and hold that.

On another note, I went school shopping with my daughter last weekend and decided to go into Banana Republic (one of my favorite stores). I went directly to the sale rack and decided to try on a few pairs of pants. I am happy to report that I am officially a size 14. I ended up with two new pairs of pants and they fit fabulously. I would like to eventually be in a single digit pants size but I will definitely take this one. Winnnnnninnng!

Food

Normally the word food does not scare me but for the first time in a very long time I am worried about the rest of my journey. I do not want to gain any of the weight back that I have lost and quite frankly, I am nervous about eating. With only about 10 more days left of product, I decided that I would slowly start the transition to eating. I looked at the notebook that they gave me at the start of the program and determined that it was time to start adding food back in. I had a shake for breakfast and for lunch I ventured out (first time in months I have gone out for lunch) and went to find some veggies that I could add into my diet. Although I should have been more prepared for this, I went to Trader Joe's and walked the store for about 20 minutes before I decided on a mixed green salad with three cherry tomatoes, a few hearts of palm, and some artichoke hearts. The salad dressing, a raspberry vinaigrette, was really something that I was not too interested in but I decided to give the whole thing a whirl. I added less than a teaspoon of the salad dressing on the salad and took my first bite.

Queue the music...the flavors that I tasted are indescribable. I ate that first bite so slow and took in every single feeling that I was having. Guilt was the first, followed quickly by elation. I don't ever remember liking salad that much. I continued to eat a few more bites and then out of nowhere something in my head said, okay, you are full now. Huh, who was that? I don't ever remember hearing that voice. I looked down at my salad. No, I can't be done, I have only eaten 1/4 of the salad. Okay, fork down, lid on, container in the trash can. That wasn't so hard.

So here I sit back at the office. My stomach is rumbling so loud that I am sure all of my office neighbors can hear it. The digestion has started and I am hoping that the 1/2 cup of salad that I had goes down without much effort.

I am going to the supermarket today after work and I am going to stock up on many more vegetables that will not be so hard to digest.

I will keep this day as my official weigh in day because this is when I would do it at the optifast clinic. This morning's weight 183.4. Only 48.4 pounds to go to reach my goal. Not as daunting as the original 115 pounds that I needed to lose at the beginning.

FOOD...you are no match for me!

Have I reached the end?

Last week I did not go to my class because my nephew was here from out of town. This is why I did not post. However, I have finally realized that I have reached a crossroads. Unfortunately this program is costing so much money that I am going to finish up the product that I have (which is approximately 14 days) and stop going. The $125.00 a week has really been tearing into my budget, along with the maintenance fees and all of the other stuff that I need to buy. So, with that being said, I will stop going with only 4 weeks left. :( 

I will continue to write weekly in my blog because I want to be held accountable for the things I am doing and I still have about 50 pounds to lose. The good thing is that I have been going to class for long enough now to know what my food triggers are and how to keep from doing the things from my past that pushed me to the weight I was. 

I am going to do the shakes full time until I have a week left and then I am going to gradually add one meal every few days until I feel like my stomach is handling the food. I have been told that it does a number on the stomach when food is added back into the diet. I am a little nervous because I do not want to gain any weight so I think I am going to stick to a plant based diet for a while to see if I can continue to lose. I am also going to start picking up the exercise pace and see if I can tone up some of these muscles.

So, the answer to the questions is, NO I have not reached the end. I am going to continue to fight until I have reached my goal weight. Although I did not weigh in, I weighed on my scaled (which seems to be pretty close to their scale) and I weigh 185.0. I am down 64 pounds. Not bad for 16 weeks.

Wish me luck!!

...and it continues

The weeks have been really flying by these past few. I am so busy at work which keeps my mind preoccupied but unfortunately, the shakes are becoming so boring that I am having difficulty drinking the 5 per day. Although I know this is wrong, there are days when I am only drinking three or four of the five shakes. I am so bored with the chocolate and the vanilla tastes so nasty. I have tried to put the Torani syrups in but they make me have a stomach ache. Next week, I will have 5 weeks left in this 20-week journey. I am still trying to decide if I will start adding food in or continue on until I get closer to my goal weight. I am having such great success that I want to continue but I am not sure that I can continue to drink the shakes. What I thought I might do is start adding food at the end of the five weeks and then start to kick up my workout routine so that I can get rid of some of the flab and start toning up. **Sigh** such a dilemma. Well I know for a fact that I want to have some semblance of a real meal for my upcoming 45th birthday. I would also like to have a glass of wine....man have I missed my wine.


So my stats are as follows: this week I lost 4.2 pounds, which brings my total to 56.0 pounds. I am thrilled to be consistently losing 3-4 pounds a week.

Onederland

I am a little late this week posting as I have been so busy at work that it is leaking over into my personal life. I am so happy to say that I have finally reached one of my biggest goals; ONEDERLAND! I have been waiting to get over this hump for quite some time. I have literally been dieting for the last 3 years only to reach 202 and not be able to get past that to 199. That is when I decide that it is way too hard and give up.

This time it is a little different and I knew that I would reach that weight and then continue to drop the pounds until I reach my ultimate goal of 135 pounds. My weigh-in was an even 198.0 pounds and my weekly weight loss was 3.9 pounds. I am tickled to continue to have these great numbers and I am going to try my hardest to continue to have good numbers until the end of the program. 

In our group class we discussed the ability to manage stress and know when stress causes one to do things that they normally would not do. I find myself in the midst of stress on a daily basis, which I am sure is not a problem that only I face. I am trying so hard to change how I handle stress, negative people, too much work, etc. I am trying to put on a different face and smile. Sometimes that is all it takes to make me feel better. When I do this it seems to diffuse most situations and other people also react differently.  Why am I just learning this now? 

Opportunities...that is what I am being given. It is never too late to better oneself. I am proof!

Making Choices

Today, the 4th of July, has been a little bit tough for me. Not because I am at a barbecue and the food is free flowing but because I am feeling a little hungry. I woke up this morning with my stomach growling. Instead of giving into my hunger, I had a shake and went shopping with my daughter. While shopping I forgot to bring any more shakes and I had to make a choice: wait until I got home or have something while out shopping. I decided to get something while out shopping. While my daughter had soup and a sandwich, I opted for an 8 oz. latte with skim milk and two equals. Man was it good. This is the first time I have strayed from the program and I felt a little guilty.

Circumstances will come up time and time again and I will have to make choices. I want to make the right choices, especially when I am eating again. I did not have a cheeseburger and fries, nor did I eat a piece of chocolate so I guess I made a good choice. And, I looked on my emergency card and it was listed as one of the choices to have if you do not have a shake. Phew...now I don't feel so bad.

Last week was another good week. I lost 4.6 pounds. That makes my weight loss total 48.9 pounds. I am only 1.9 pounds away from 200. I am looking forward to next week and I am hoping that I will be under 200!

Happy Today!

I had a thought this evening as I was driving my kids home from a sushi dinner (no I did not eat and I had a cup of green tea); I am really happy right now. Immediately after the thought I realized that maybe I should not have thought that. I mean, when someone is happy something always bad happens, right? Thinking about it again I asked myself, why not be happy. I have a good job, a great family, wonderful friends, and I am starting to like myself again. After years of mental, emotional, and physical abuse, it is my turn to be happy.

It also did not hurt that I lost 6 pounds this week. I think I may have found the secret to taking off more than 2 pounds - exercise. I have been walking 3 miles, 3-4 times a week. It has paid off the last two weeks. I only have 6.5 pounds to lose before I reach 200. I may not reach my goal at the end of 20-weeks but I am off to a great start.